guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
