im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
