We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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