I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
