Christians are straight up FREAKS
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
