My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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