It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
