I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
