btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
