I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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