There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
