Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
