11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
