Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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