mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
