Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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