At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
