We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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