i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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