Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
They have beer where we have blood.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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