I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
50% drunk capacity currently
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
