I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
