you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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