Pants 0. Shit 1.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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