we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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