first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
