i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
