Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My vagina just recognized that song.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
