i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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