Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
