Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
