I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize