why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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