These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
