she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
