So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
