I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
