she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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