wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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