just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
