woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
