It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize