Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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