we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
