just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
