its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
