Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
