Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I need to align my fucking chakras
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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