it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
