Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
