Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize