I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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