oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
