i jhust puked up my retainher.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
