guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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