Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Don't EVER smell your tampon
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
