And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
