sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
