there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Randomize
