You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
So squirting runs in the family.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
