sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
