Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
