If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
