i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
What a dumb baby whore.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
