bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
