No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
