I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
