I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
