WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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