Please, let me fuck your mom
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
