What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We are two peas in an std pod
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
3pm strippers are depressing
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
