We're like a lot better than the average bears
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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