If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
