bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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