Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
