Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just want to make out with him forever
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
