i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
