This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
