Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
