20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
