can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I checked into jail on foursquare
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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