5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
