I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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