Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
