I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
