ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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