I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
