Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
only you would photoshop your dick
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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