I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
