Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
