Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
