he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize